Half-grown wankers

I'm not sure if it's local to this area, but the "alternative" crowd of teenagers is incredibly lame. 

Their jokes are terrible, and they have an open, accepting community...at shows, I notice how they stay together in large communal blobs, both indoor and out.  It seems unnatural for angst-driven rockers to not fragment into small sub-groups. 

And they're not even that angry.

The guys in the local bands they look up to are weak and soft.  They've never done hallucinogenics, or probably ever lived any harrowing experiences.  They don't understand any deep truths about the world. 

Some are fat vegans.

Whatever horrible, ineffectual, lame music they all play (all the "indie" bands), they play out of that shit-hole.  There is no alternative to the alternative.

It wouldn't be so bad if they didn't think they were all so awesome and hip, those half-grown wankers.  

I want to burn all of my possessions in a fire and drive away in the middle of the night

Better just borrow gobs of money and take a bunch of classes.  Better do what everyone suggests.  Better get a frontal lobotomy.

Misanthropy, or something like it.

Right now, I don't want any friends.

All the ones I have, I don't want to be around.

I'll admit to being jealous of everyone else living self-sufficient lives, all the while I'm here - going nowhere, or just moving so slowly it seems like time isn't progressing.  It's true though: I've counted on other people too much in my life in some ways, and now it's time to cut the umbilical.

Like I said, I don't want to talk to any of the people I know, because they've already judged me for something I may or may not be...and that's unsettling.  It makes me feel raw and uncomfortable. 

I'll go somewhere I don't know anyone, and take care of myself without judgement being passed on me, or contemptuous gossip, a place where I can have tabula rasa.